a bookish dream world

i read and freak out about it

a bookish dream world

Category: #1 Life

where i’ve been (not that you were wondering)

oof has it been a long time since i wrote anything for my blog. i did upload two articles in august but i had written them a while ago and so, truthfully, it feels a bit weird to write something again.

what’s new ?

i talked a little bit about this in my most recent wrap-up ! i traveled during august to the west coast (alone! well with a group of people ! but technically alone!), i made friends, i moved houses, i started my masters degree.

life has been… hectic and good, which feels very weird and unusual. but it’s changed for the better and i’m really happy about it. my anxiety still gets the best of me but i’m trying this new approach to life : just embrace it.

i turned 21 (read about it here!) and i made two new twitter accounts (one that was supposed to be for bookish ranting but turned out to slowly become a bts stan account so then i… made a bts stan account and i don’t regret it).

why i stopped blogging

weirdly enough, it happened very naturally and smoothly that i almost… hadn’t noticed ? this blog means a lot to me, don’t get me wrong but i had anchored myself in the belief that whatever i had to say had probably been said before by someone else and that i didn’t need to take up any space (this is very much linked to a post i wanna make about 21 things i learned in 21 years it’s gonna be up soon!). recently, i’ve gained back a lot of the confidence i had lost and it made me understand, i don’t need to work hard to be someone else, or to take up a tiny bit of space so i’m not a bother. i think i used to be so obsessed with being liked that i was willing to step on myself in order to be as small as possible. except i exist and to everyone who says i (or you) don’t deserve to take up space, a big fucK you. i also decided to venture out of my reading comfort zone lately and to read stuff other than YA and so far, it has not disappointed ! if you wanna follow me on my goodreads, here’s the link !

figuring out who i am

i just felt like i need to take a break from blogging in order to figure out who i was and not who people wanted me to be. and turns out i found her (not all of her, obviously because she’s endless and young) and guess what ? she’s not that bad. she’s actually pretty nice (ew i’m speaking in the third person, someone slap me). it took me a long time to get to that point. i think it’s somewhat burned in our brain that we shouldn’t say aloud that we love ourselves and i really wanna change that.

and obviously life’s not a walk in the park

there’s still stuff that goes wrong, and time where i cry and wanna scream. but i came to the understanding that this is life. and that’s how it goes.

so what’s up with you ?
if you ever wanna chat, feel free to dm me on goodreads or on twitter @lostinketterdam !

My Blogging Experience #1 : Getting Started !

I thought I’d make this little series called My Blogging Experience because well… blogging is a whole new world for me and one I don’t think I had figured out. I started my blog five months ago because I’ve always wanted to be able to put my ideas OUT THERE (i.e the Big Ole Scary Internet) and engage with people who liked the same things I liked. Along with creating my blog, I created a Twitter account, which you can follow if you want !

Here’s what I learned so far : 

1) Blogging is WAY harder than you think : I took blogging for granted before even getting started, let me tell you this. Blogging takes so much more time than I thought : not because it necessarily takes me a lot of time to write something but because it takes me time to think that what I wrote is worthy. But here’s the beauty of blogging, you don’t have to be constantly reading to update ! I really like that about blogs because back when I didn’t have one, I thought about how I wanted to write about a variety of topics and I thought “But what if it’s a simple bookish blog, what will I do ?”. Well, turns out *insert That Mean Girls Scene* the limit does not exist. You can write about whatever you want, it’s your blog ! I write (and wanna write more!!!) about TV shows and movies and my student life because I see this blog as a creative outlet to express myself and the things I enjoy/struggle with. 

2) Plan your posts, Noa !!! (aka, something I still struggle with on the daily) Yup. I’m bad at planning. I haven’t written HALF of what I wanted to write initially when I started this blog and there IS a reason (multiple) for it. Even though I love to organize everything, planning posts has been hard. Getting started, I had planned to post on Mondays and Tuesdays and more often than not, I start writing a post the day before. 1/10 WOULD NOT RECOMMEND for one reason : I’m not proud of what comes out and if I’m not proud about it, I don’t want to post it. I like to think posts over, research etc. and I can’t really do that if I start doing it the day before. If I have no idea what to post, I’ll do a tag because I find them really easy (and sad because I never tag anyone). As of now, I can say I have ZERO posting schedule and… I’m not mad about it (even though I wanna set a regular posting system going). One reason I’m not mad about it is that lately, I’ve been happier with what I post because I simply write when I wanna write

3) Learn how to be confident (I KNOW IT’S HARD TRUST ME): this, I’m really passionate about because I’m NOT confident at all. Confidence is a process : it’s a fake it till you make it situation. And look, I didn’t believe in that phrase until recently. My main issue was and still is to be confident in my opinions. I overthink everything and for me, it’s so easy to get caught up in the whirlwind of thoughts and self-doubts. I’ve had such trouble trying to talk to people because I always think “What if it’s too much ?” or “What if I’m annoying them ?” One of my biggest fears is to offend someone which I never want to do. Unfortunately, you can’t agree with everyone and that’s okay. As long as you’re respectful about it (and granted the person is not ignorant and rude), be honest and opinionated. I also like to remind myself I’m constantly learning. I don’t know everything about everything. However, I’m willing to be as open-minded as possible and always listen carefully to what someone has to say because hey, we don’t all have the same experiences. 

4) Just keep going : I’ve wanted to stop a lot because I was thinking no one was gonna read me anyways and truth IS, yeah it can suck somedays but it’s also such a relief sometimes. I like to write and I want to improve and a blog is the best way to do that. I’ve accepted that I’m not the best at making my blog aesthetically pleasing but I am good at not giving up and that’s what I’m doing. I’m writing and I love it. I’m learning things (so many !) about books, terminologies, but also about myself and my personality. Having a blog just forced me a little more out of my comfort zone and I’m grateful for it

5) STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS, ITS POINTLESS (SOOOO POINTLESS BITCH STOP IT): this is linked to lacking confidence in writing. I would go on WordPress and check out these amazing blogs with such eloquent articles and beautiful, lyrical sentences and I’d think to myself “fuck, what’s the point of me even trying to write something that’s gonna take me ages and is still never gonna be good enough ?” or “why write this when x post already exists ?”. This is a vicious rabbit hole you DO NOT wanna fall in. Whatever I wanna write, I should because… it’s my blog. But also because someone can write something brilliant and that doesn’t mean nothing will ever be written about it because again, what would be the point ? Doing something because you want to (like writing a blog post) is still valid

6) The community is really important and if you’re not A Social Bean, it’s hard but not impossible : get a Twitter account and engage with people or engage with other bloggers on WordPress, for example. I’m no expert, trust me but I think it’s important to try and talk to people not only because you have the same interests but because it feels good to talk and share experiences and learn new things (but also Twitter is kind of a hell site). Like I said previously, I have learned SO much from the book community, whether on Twitter or Youtube or Instagram or Blogs/Goodreads and it’s A Good Thing because there’s a lot to learn and sometimes, a lot to change. The final piece of advice I can give (and that might be a given but I’ll give it still) is to… read other blogs. So I already said that getting involved is important but this is something else I’m trying to express. Reading other blogs (their tips, their reviews etc.) is really helpful when it comes to figuring out your own style and what you want to write about. (Side Note : Twitter is great but fuck can it be toxic. It can honestly have such a huge impact on my mood if I let it and sometimes, it’s better to just log out.)

✨Three blogs I’d recommend that have helped me A LOT to figure shit out (I’m still trying hehe and I definitely wanna complete that list) :

Marija @ Inside My Library Mind (especially her article about Edelweiss and how to get ARCS. It changed my life especially as an INTL blogger because I get most of my e-arcs from there !)
Elise @ The Bookish Actress (legit in love with her writing and she has a “newbie guide” that is REALLY HELPFUL)
Kat @ Novels and Waffles (taught me a lot about how to have a pretty blog except i’m utterly talentless when it comes to aestheticsss and shit. still. this blog. popping.)

So I’m far from being an Expert at blogging and I can only speak from what I’ve personally learned but here’s my take on blogging !

The Pressure of Not Knowing What To Do With Your Life (Uni Life #1)

(All this talk about degrees is my attempt at translating in English the way French Universities work. Xx)

I wish someone would have told me what I’m about to say back when I was in high school with a head full of dreams about changing the world and becoming the first female president of France (okay, that’s a bit much).

University is hard, my dudes.

I’m currently studying Law and History at University. This year is my third year (at the end of which I will get my Bachelor’s Degree). In June, I’ll have to choose which Master’s Degree I want to do.

As far as I know, I want to keep studying law. Uni is hard. Nay, it’s exhausting. Preparing a dual degree means having to work twice as hard and barely get through it. However, here’s the thing : I’m really good at being a student. I’m really good at going to class (okay that one is partly true) and turning in assignments. I love to learn new things. I love school, I love going there and seeing people, even people I don’t know nor do I intend to ever speak to them. It’s fun. I like it.

I only have two weeks of actual school left until finals (we have a two weeks left of school with actual classes, then about ten days to revise and finally about a week-long of finals).

It’s only getting harder.

The pressure, my dudes. First off, a little disclaimer : Don’t get me wrong : I am blessed, and forever grateful to get this education. I thank God every day for it.

So back to the “pressure” I was talking about. The truth is I don’t know what I want to do with the rest of my life. There’s an inherent pressure to being a high schooler and then a college student. It’s the pressure of everyone telling you to hurry up and find what you want to do. Be a lawyer, be a doctor or a dentist. Just be something. Hurry.

There’s something I want to address : hypocrisy. Like me, you’ve probably heard people say “Do what you love”, “Find your passion” etc. Well let me tell you something. You have to fight for what you want, what you love. Because life is not rainbows and long walks down the beach while the sun is setting. Following your passion is brave.

So Be Careful, I guess.

Be careful about what you choose but also know one thing : it’s okay NOT TO KNOW. I’m 20 years old and I don’t freaking know what I want to do. How do you expect a 17, 18, 19 or 20 year-old to instantly know what they want out of their life ? I don’t know and if you don’t either, let me repeat : it’s okay. What’s this pressure about knowing everything and having a carefully lied-out plan in front of you ? I haven’t experienced anything. What can a 20 year old want out of life ? Traveling, meeting people, changing the world and making a difference. If you love something with a passion, fight for it. Honestly, I cannot tell you it’s always gonna be okay and life’s gonna run smooth and be easy. That’s not true. It’s probably gonna hard and you’re gonna want to give up. The pressure can feel asphyxiating. Nonetheless, I have faith in you. I hope you’ll have faith in yourself.

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