where i’ve been (not that you were wondering)

October 23, 2019

oof has it been a long time since i wrote anything for my blog. i did upload two articles in august but i had written them a while ago and so, truthfully, it feels a bit weird to write something again.

what’s new ?

i talked a little bit about this in my most recent wrap-up ! i traveled during august to the west coast (alone! well with a group of people ! but technically alone!), i made friends, i moved houses, i started my masters degree.

life has been… hectic and good, which feels very weird and unusual. but it’s changed for the better and i’m really happy about it. my anxiety still gets the best of me but i’m trying this new approach to life : just embrace it.

i turned 21 (read about it here!) and i made two new twitter accounts (one that was supposed to be for bookish ranting but turned out to slowly become a bts stan account so then i… made a bts stan account and i don’t regret it).

why i stopped blogging

weirdly enough, it happened very naturally and smoothly that i almost… hadn’t noticed ? this blog means a lot to me, don’t get me wrong but i had anchored myself in the belief that whatever i had to say had probably been said before by someone else and that i didn’t need to take up any space (this is very much linked to a post i wanna make about 21 things i learned in 21 years it’s gonna be up soon!). recently, i’ve gained back a lot of the confidence i had lost and it made me understand, i don’t need to work hard to be someone else, or to take up a tiny bit of space so i’m not a bother. i think i used to be so obsessed with being liked that i was willing to step on myself in order to be as small as possible. except i exist and to everyone who says i (or you) don’t deserve to take up space, a big fucK you. i also decided to venture out of my reading comfort zone lately and to read stuff other than YA and so far, it has not disappointed ! if you wanna follow me on my goodreads, here’s the link !

figuring out who i am

i just felt like i need to take a break from blogging in order to figure out who i was and not who people wanted me to be. and turns out i found her (not all of her, obviously because she’s endless and young) and guess what ? she’s not that bad. she’s actually pretty nice (ew i’m speaking in the third person, someone slap me). it took me a long time to get to that point. i think it’s somewhat burned in our brain that we shouldn’t say aloud that we love ourselves and i really wanna change that.

and obviously life’s not a walk in the park

there’s still stuff that goes wrong, and time where i cry and wanna scream. but i came to the understanding that this is life. and that’s how it goes.

so what’s up with you ?
if you ever wanna chat, feel free to dm me on goodreads or on twitter @lostinketterdam !

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